Domestic Abuse

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Myths - the truth

The statements below are some common myths. These statements are false and therefore not correct.

The truth behind the myth...

It's his/her fault for..... nagging, refusing sex, not preparing dinner on time, not looking after children properly, questioning decisions etc.

The truth is...
Many abusers try to avoid personal responsibility for their behaviour by blaming it on others e.g. the victim, their relationship, their childhood, their ill health, or their alcohol or drug addiction.

Remember the abuser is responsible. He/she does not have to use violence and can instead choose to behave non-violently and foster a relationship built on trust, honesty, and respect.

If his/her partner was really violent s/he would have left already S/he can’t be abusive, as they wouldn’t go back

The truth is...
There are many barriers to leaving and / or going back to an abusive partner, including…

Fear; financial difficulties; losing face; fantasy – it will get better; nowhere to go; religious beliefs; children needing both parents.

Whilst the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship doesn't guarantee that the violence will stop. In fact, the period when a victim is planning or making his/her exit, is often the most dangerous time for him/her and the children.

Domestic Abuse does not affect many people

The truth is...
More than eight million people are victims of domestic abuse

Domestic Abuse is mainly experienced by working class, poorly educated people

The truth is...
Domestic abuse occurs irrespective of gender, race, class, age, religion, sexuality, mental ability, physical ability, income, lifestyle or geographical area of residence.

Domestic abuse only happens in heterosexual partnerships

The truth is...
Domestic abuse is a crime largely perpetrated by men against women, but does also occur in same sex relationships and in a smaller number of cases from women to men.  

Domestic abuse is only experienced by women

The truth is...
Although research shows that domestic violence affects mostly women, current statistics show that one in six men will be affected at some point in their lifetime. The British Crime Survey revealed that 19% of domestic violence incidents were reported to be male victims, with just under half of these having a female abuser.

Children don’t hear or know what is happening

The truth is...
The experience of watching, hearing or otherwise being aware of domestic violence can impact children’s physical, emotional and social development, both during childhood and later in life.

Domestic abuse only occurs in adult relationships

The truth is...
40% of young people have been affected by domestic abuse in their own relationships

There are lots of refuges available for women experiencing domestic abuse

The truth is...
There are 500 refuges yet on a typical day, 3615 women and 3,580 children are resident in refuge accommodation in England.  This is an increase of 12% over the past 4 years.  50% of these children are aged under 5 years

Related links:

• Recognising Domestic Abuse  
• What can I do if I think someone may be experiencing domestic abuse?
• Who are the perpetrators?
• Definitions of domestic abuse